Babe, I'm Still Bleedin'
by nicolasamaria
Summary: Puck and Rachel's 'first date' ends in the emergency room.


Author's note: Uh, I lied. As usual. Here is a fluffy ficlet.

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Rachel Berry doesn't know how to shut up.

Even when he tells her to shut up, she just keeps going and going and going ...

"I'm sorry. Oh my gosh, I can't believe I … I'm really sorry, Noah." she rambles on as she drives his truck down the freeway. He's sitting in the passenger's seat with an ice pack glued to his forehead and slowly slipping in and out of consciousness.

"Would you please shut up and watch the road." he slurs as his head starts to droop. Her voice is already hazy and he thinks that if he can just close his eyes for a second then maybe he can it out. Which is really fucking annoying and loud when he feels like there's an elephant sitting on his head.

"I can't shut up Noah, it's crucial that you stay awake right now. And if I stop talking you might doze off and then never wake up and it'll be all my fault because I … I am so sorry." she repeats and he groans, this is why he never goes on dates. They always end really, _really_ badly.

"Whatever." he grumbles and adjusts so that the back of his head is leaning against the cool glass of the window.

"I knew miniature golf was a bad idea. We should have just gone to the movies like you wanted to."

"Why didn't we?" he asks, closing his eyes because the lights from oncoming traffic are making his head hurt even more, like ice picks through the back of his skull.

"I don't know! I wanted to be … spontaneous or different! Everyone goes to the movies on a first date."

"Hate to break it to you, babe, but this isn't our first date."

"Making out in my bedroom doesn't count." she snaps and he cracks open his eyes, giving her what he hopes is a cocky smile when he looks over at her. She's trying not to laugh, he can tell.

"And you're the more experienced one, you should've have known that going somewhere that involves projectiles would be a bad idea."

"Well fuck, I didn't know you were going to club me with the damn thing." he frowns when the rest of what she said sinks, "And the fuck do you mean 'more experienced'? I don't exactly date girls, in case you haven't noticed."

"Oh yes, what was it?" she asks, sounding a little bitter, "Hump them and dump them?"

Puck shifts awkwardly in his seat, "Well, when you say it like that …"

"But, I'm glad that you no longer lead that kind of lifestyle …. right?" she asks and he barks out a laugh, or at least what is supposed to be a laugh. It sounds more like a scoff.

"Wouldn't be here if I did, Crazy."

"Oh Noah!" she says in her sappy girl voice, "That means so much to me, you don't even know." he rolls his eyes as he closes them and nods mutely at her,

"Sure thing."

There's a single beat of silence, fucking fantastic _quiet_ silence. And then she opens her mouth again.

"And I really am sorry. I had no idea that you were standing that close to me and that I could propel the club with so much force, seeing as I am not particularly strong. Physically of course, mentally I'm like an ox. Although, I could deliver a sturdy kick to the groin area if I was being attacked. Not that I would _ever_ kick you there. Does your head hurt badly?"

"Yes." he grounds out, hoping that maybe now she'll finally stop talking.

"I can't believe that I … I can assure you that I am normally very good at golf. Miniature and otherwise. This is such a horrible way for our first date to end, you probably have a concussion. Oh my gosh, what if you develop short term memory loss because of this? That may be to my benefit though, perhaps you won't remember that I nearly decapitated you with a golf club. Oh, Noah … the sound was awful. Like I cracked your skull maybe."

"Rachel, will you please just shut up for like an hour?" he begs, she's making his headache worse. But she stops talking and it's quiet again and it stays that way.

Thank god.

And then, right when he's about to doze off, she reaches over and smacks his arm.

"Ow." he says irritably. He was seriously nuts to think that being in a relationship with Rachel Berry would ever be normal. Who hits someone when they have a lump on their forehead the size of a tennis ball?

"Noah, please don't fall asleep." she says in a tiny voice, "I am really unprepared for this situation and I don't want you to fall asleep and then die."

"Then maybe you shouldn't have hit in the first place." he mumbles as he pushes himself higher up in the seat.

"Look, we're a block away. Please stay awake. I can put on the radio?" she asks hopefully, reaching for the dial. His hand snakes out and he threads his fingers with hers; her hands are cold.

"Chill Berry. I'll stay awake."

"Okay … And Noah?" her voice is really small and all he can think is that she better not start crying. He hums in acknowledgment and she lets out shaky breath, "I really am sorry."

He squeezes her hand, "I know, babe."

There's no talking for the rest of the drive, all three minutes of it. And as she helps him out of the car, because apparently getting hit in the head renders you completely unable to walk, he can't help but make light of the situation.

"Just so you know," he starts as she opens the door and carefully puts his arm around her shoulders, "Since it's your fault that I'm like this I except you to play the nurse and be at my service at all times. Get the little outfit and everything."

She scoffs and he doesn't think it's an accident that her elbow just happens to dig into his rib cage.

"Thanks for not letting me die, B"

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Review, please? :)


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